June 11th, 2009 I turned 27. Doesn’t seem like that big a deal, but the week preceding it was sheer torture. I was major depressed, crying for literally no reason at all and down, down, down in the dumps. The weirdest thing was I had no idea it was my birthday that was causing me such distress.
Birthdays have never been too big a deal to me. Sure, while I was growing up I would have a party, beg to be showered in presents and demand all the attention on my special day. But as I’ve gotten older, and my friends have dwindled down, I don’t seem to care as much. No big party, no big cake, no big anything. No big deal. And on top of that, I have never seriously cared about the turning older thing. I mean, I’d joke about it and part of me would be a little scared, but never seriously. It never caused me grief, it never touched my heart. 27 has been different.
All in all, the actual day of my birth was pretty fun. Hung out with my mom, got pedi’s, went shopping, ate Italian – all my favorite things! Once that looming moment had passed, that minute when I officially turned older, it was like a weight had lifted from my heart. “This is it?” I thought. This is what my emotions were in such a tizzy over? Sheesh, so not a big deal.
But later that night — and the next day — and over the weekend — I began to realize, it is a big deal. 27 has affected me for some reason. I’m ready to quit “playing” grown-up and actually be one. No, this doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy drinking or going out or silly college humor. But it does mean that I have to take my actions more seriously. My impulses have gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past. I love to live in the moment and while that can be good sometimes, most of the time it just means you’re being selfish and stupid. Ouch.
I am the only reason I haven’t achieved my dreams yet.
Powerful statement and oh-so true. It’s nobody’s fault but my own. I think the moment I can really live that statement, truly recognize it’s power, is the moment I can completely change my life. Be the change, be the change … this is my year. Hopefully.
